Online Therapy… working with Couples

The challenges of online couples therapy

Each and every relationship poses challenges. Actually, most marital relationships (as many as 9 out of 10) never realizes the possibilities of a close, personal relationship. That doesn’t mean you need to settle for one fraught with conflict and/or loniliness. Seeking the help of a qualified marriage/ couples counselor online can provide you with the help you need to work through issues with your spouse or partner constructively.

The goal of online marriage/ couples counseling is to coach married couples how to understand each other better, how to work together an dhow to work through conflict in ways that enhance the relationship. Qualified couples therapists are trained to help you see each other as equal partners in the relationship striving towards a mutual goal. He/she will also help you to give attention to and find ways to strengthen the two pillars of any marriage: proper communication and quality time together.

Online counseling is a comfortable and convenient way to receive effective counseling without experiencing the pressure of a face-to-face meeting. You still meet with a live, professional service provider – but you gain the flexibility of meeting with your provider in your own surroundings. If you are already familiar with counseling you may choose this option for the added convenience and privacy that online Tehrapy (counselling) offers.

Working with couples in Online Therapy

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is a short-term, structured approach to couples’ therapy developed by Drs. Sue Johnson and Les Greenberg. It is grounded in research about and centres around love as an attachment bond.

To understand Online EFT Therapy it might help if you understand ‘n little more about attachment theory

From a very young age each person experiences and forms attachments to other people. It usually begins in childhood with a primary caretaker, such as a parent. Good patterns of attachment typically provides a safe haven: a retreat from the world and a way to obtain comfort, security and a buffer against stress. It also offers a secure base, allowing you to feel safe while you explore the world and learn new information.

However, there is another side to attachments. They become patterns that carries over into adulthood. An “unavailable caretaker” creates distress in a baby akin to an “unavailable partner” creating distress in an adult.

Within the marriage relationship any perceived distance or separation is then interpreted as danger. Losing the connection to a loved one threatens our sense of security. “Primal fear” ensues and sets off an alarm in part of our brain – one that triggers our fight-or-flight response. The increase of anxiety focuses the mind’s attention on the immediate situation. People then go into a self-preservation mode, often doing what they did to “survive” or cope in childhood.

In this way we are triggered in our romantic relationships and repeats the same unhealthy patterns from our formative years.

Attachment theory thus provides the emotionally-focused therapist with a “road map” to the drama of distress, emotions, and needs between partners. In fact: EFT was designed to help you unwind these automatic, counter-productive reactions and establish healthy attachment between you and your partner.

More about Online EFT Therapy

Within this broad conceptualization of couples relationships, EFT provides a language for healthy dependency between partners and looks at key moves and moments that define an adult love relationship. The primary goal of the model is to expand and re-organize the emotional responses of the couple. During this process

• New sequences of bonding interactions occur and replace old, negative patterns such as “pursue-withdraw” or “criticize-defend.”
• These new, positive cycles then become self-reinforcing and create permanent change.
• The relationship becomes a haven and a healing environment for both partners.

A substantial body of research outlining the effectiveness of this treatment exists. EFT is therefore considered one of the most empirically validated forms of couples therapy – if not the most validated form of couples therapy.

The distressed couples who may benefit from EFT include those where one or both partners suffer from depression, addiction, post-traumatic stress disorders, and chronic illness, among other disorders.

EFT has also proven to be a powerful approach for couples dealing with infidelity or other more traumatic incidents, both current and past.

Effects of the EFT process in Online Therapy

1. The EFT process reduces couples’ conflict while creating a more secure emotional bond.
2. Couples learn to express deep, underlying emotions from a place of vulnerability and ask for their needs to be met.
3. Partners begin to view undesirable behaviors (i.e., shutting down or angry escalations) as “protests of disconnection.”
4. Couples learn to be emotionally available, empathetic and engaged with each other, strengthening the attachment bond and safe haven between them.

EFT has many strengths as a therapeutic model.

• First, it is supported by extensive research.
• Second, it is collaborative and respectful of clients. It shifts blame for the couples’ problems to the negative patterns between them, instead of the couples themselves (or the partners).
• Finally, the change process has been mapped into a clearly defined process consisting of nine steps and three change events that help guide the therapist and track progress.

If you are looking for help with a distressed relationship, an EFT trained therapist would be a wise choice.

There are also several books that might be of interest. Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy For Dummies by Brent Bradley and Jamies Furrow, Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Sue Johnson, or An Emotionally Focused Workbook for Couples: The Two of Us by Veronica Kallos-Lilly and Jennifer Fitzgeralds are all good places to start.

The Benefits of Online Couples Therapy

Taking part in online couples counseling sessions can lead to a variety of long-term benefits, amongst others:

Click this link to contact me and make an appointment to work with me as your online therapist