You know something’s wrong. Perhaps your teen is always angry. Or they’ve pulled away – from friends, from you, from everything they used to enjoy. You’ve done the reading, maybe even found a therapist.

But there’s just one problem.

They don’t want therapy. Or they’re going… but not talking.

You’re feeling stuck, frustrated, or even scared.

Now what?

Many parents hit this wall. The good news? There are ways through it – not by forcing your teen, but by helping them feel safe enough to open up.

What’s Really Happening

Teenagers push back. It’s what they do. It’s part of growing up. But when they’re in pain – emotionally, mentally, or socially – that pushback can get a lot louder.

So when they say:

• “I’m fine.”
• “Therapy is stupid.”
• “I don’t want to talk about it.”

What they might mean is:

• “I don’t know how to explain what’s going on.”
• “I’m scared somebody’ll judge me.”
• “I don’t trust that this will help.”

Resistance isn’t always about defiance. Often, it’s about fear, shame, or feeling completely overwhelmed. Teens don’t always have the words for that. So they shut down or lash out.

Your job?

Don’t take it personally. And don’t give up.

What You Shouldn’t Do

Let’s start with the common traps – the things parents do (with good intentions) that backfire:

• Threatening or bribing might get them into a session, but it won’t get them to open up. Therapy only works if your teen wants to be there, or at least wants to give it a shot. SO, please don’t force them.
• Explaining why therapy is “good for them” repeatedly often leads to eye rolls or silence. Teens hear that as control, not care.
• If your teen is in therapy and you keep asking what they talked about, they’ll shut down. Therapy needs to feel like their space – not something they have to report on.

So What Can You Do?

You can stay steady. You can stay curious. And most importantly, you can create the kind of relationship where your teen feels safe enough to talk.

1. Focus on Connection

Before your teen will talk to anyone else, they need to know you’re listening. Not just hearing them. Actually listening.

And you can start by assuring them: “You’ve seemed down lately. I’m not here to fix you. I just want you to know I’m in your corner.”

Give them space to feel seen without feeling pushed.

Small, regular check-ins work better than long, serious talks. Think:

• “Want to walk the dog with me?”
• “I’m heading to the shop – want to come?”
• “I made extra pancakes. Hungry?”

It’s not about tricking them into talking. It’s about reminding them that the door is open.

2. Make Therapy Their Choice

You might have been the one to book the first session. That’s okay. But as soon as you can, hand your teen some control. Say something like: “I found a few therapists who work with teens. Want to look at them and see who feels like a better fit for you?”

Let them:

• Pick from a few therapists (different genders, backgrounds, approaches).
• Choose whether they want video, voice, or chat sessions.
• Decide where in the house they want to do sessions.

When teens feel a sense of ownership, they’re more likely to engage.

3. Normalize therapy for them.

Some teens think going to therapy means they’re broken. You can help change that story.

Remind them that other people (including adults, athletes, musicians, etc.) go for therapy. And that we all sometimes need help to make life better.

And if you’ve ever done therapy yourself? Tell them. That kind of honesty carries a lot more weight than you think.

4. Get Out of the Way (Without Disappearing)

Once your teen agrees to try therapy, take a step back and allow them to take the lead.

Don’t hover.

Don’t ask for updates.

Just support quietly in the background.

Give them control over how much to share. Trust builds when they feel free to choose what they say and what they keep private.

That said, stay emotionally close. Even if your teenager doesn’t talk, they’ll notice if you’ve checked out. Your quiet presence matters.

5. Use Their Language

Your teen might not say: “I feel anxious and disconnected.” They might say: “I hate school” or “I just want to sleep all day.”
Instead of correcting or translating, reflect on what you hear:

“School’s draining for you lately, huh?”
“You’ve been feeling wiped out.”

That makes them feel understood. And it may just be the bridge to a real conversation.

6. Let the Therapist Earn Their Trust

Your teen might not click with the first therapist. That’s normal. Not every personality fits. Don’t frame therapy as a one-shot deal. Help them see it as a process.

You can say: “If this person doesn’t feel like the right fit, we’ll try someone else. What matters is that you feel comfortable.
Just like picking a coach or teacher.”

7. Accept That Progress Is Quiet

Don’t expect your teen to come out of a session smiling, energized, and ready to chat. Most progress happens slowly. Quietly. Bit by bit.

Instead of asking “Is it working?”, look for signs like:

•  They’re less reactive.
• They sleep a little better.
• They start doing small things again – like texting a friend or going outside.
•  Their tone softens, even if just a little.

Progress isn’t always apparent!

Trust the process.

And trust your teen.

What If They Still Refuse to Try Online Therapy?

This is the hardest part – when your teen simply won’t go. No matter what you say, they shut it down.

Start by exploring the “why” behind the no.
You can ask gently:

• “Is it that you don’t like the idea of therapy, or you’re just not ready yet?”
• “What worries you about it?”
• “What would need to be different for you even to consider it?”

Be curious and listen without trying to persuade them.

They might say:

• “It’s awkward.”
• “I don’t want to talk to a stranger.”
• “What if you find out what I say?”
• “I don’t even know what’s wrong with me.”

All valid objections. Start there. Talk through those fears. And keep therapy on the table as an option – not a punishment.

Keep on Being Their Safe Place

Your teenager may not be interested in therapy at this time. That doesn’t mean you’re helpless.

Every time you listen without fixing, stay calm during conflict, or hold space without pushing – you’re helping.

You’re showing them what emotional safety looks like. You’re giving them a soft place to land. That matters more than you’ll ever know.

You can’t drag your teen into healing. You can’t push them into self-awareness. But you can make room for it.

You can stay steady. You can show up with kindness. You can trust that even the most closed-off teen still hears you and still wants to feel okay.

And if therapy eventually becomes part of that? Great!

But even if it doesn’t happen right away, your love, patience, and belief in your child are doing quiet, yet invaluable, work every day.

Sometimes, that’s precisely where healing starts.